Our kids is pure!

26 09 2009

That’s why this post (fuck (1) fuck (2) fuck (3) fuck (4) fuck (5)), according to the MPAA rating system, should be read by anyone under 17 only when accompanied by a parent. You see, all 3 16 year olds who have never heard that word would be instantly corrupted by 5 usages of it. It is an evil lie that most 13 year olds hear it on a daily basis.

It is also why (“…so then she said, ‘we should fuck’) I have just rendered this post automatically R again. You see, if those 3 16 year olds hear sex referred to as “fucking,” they will instantly be turned into sadistic rapists, going on a rampage and destroying everything in their path, their previously pure minds now entirely turned over to the Devil.

It is also why if I were to post a gif that, for half a second every 2 hours, displayed any region of a person that would be covered by the front of a speedo or bikini, I would in all probability just have received a THIRD R rating. Because it is absolutely untrue that teenagers already know what’s there, and if they did, then nuclear war. And stuff.

And heaven forbid that my film have a child naked in, say, the bath! The only possible reason for that is pedophilia. It couldn’t possibly be because of the heavy symbolism of a naked child immersed in water. It couldn’t be related to the idea of childlike innocence, as so famously used in this book.

But of course if I had managed to find a picture of this guy killing a bunch of people and post it here, that wouldn’t deserve an R. You see, our teens should be raised into the fine tradition of bloodlust and merciless slaughter in honor of their ancestors (Oops, wrong link, so sorry!). Violence is a natural part of teenager’s lives. They need to vent their normal, boyish aggression sometimes, right? Nothing wrong with a little manly violence.

***

I mean, I’m against censorship, and I think the whole system (as anything more than a way to tell parents what the content of the movie is) is far beyond stupid, but if you’re going to do it, at least fucking (oops, there goes my rating again) aim your censorship at things that in any conceivable way, by even the greatest stretch of the imagination, could be found to actually MERIT it.

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