Our kids is pure!

26 09 2009

That’s why this post (fuck (1) fuck (2) fuck (3) fuck (4) fuck (5)), according to the MPAA rating system, should be read by anyone under 17 only when accompanied by a parent. You see, all 3 16 year olds who have never heard that word would be instantly corrupted by 5 usages of it. It is an evil lie that most 13 year olds hear it on a daily basis.

It is also why (“…so then she said, ‘we should fuck’) I have just rendered this post automatically R again. You see, if those 3 16 year olds hear sex referred to as “fucking,” they will instantly be turned into sadistic rapists, going on a rampage and destroying everything in their path, their previously pure minds now entirely turned over to the Devil.

It is also why if I were to post a gif that, for half a second every 2 hours, displayed any region of a person that would be covered by the front of a speedo or bikini, I would in all probability just have received a THIRD R rating. Because it is absolutely untrue that teenagers already know what’s there, and if they did, then nuclear war. And stuff.

And heaven forbid that my film have a child naked in, say, the bath! The only possible reason for that is pedophilia. It couldn’t possibly be because of the heavy symbolism of a naked child immersed in water. It couldn’t be related to the idea of childlike innocence, as so famously used in this book.

But of course if I had managed to find a picture of this guy killing a bunch of people and post it here, that wouldn’t deserve an R. You see, our teens should be raised into the fine tradition of bloodlust and merciless slaughter in honor of their ancestors (Oops, wrong link, so sorry!). Violence is a natural part of teenager’s lives. They need to vent their normal, boyish aggression sometimes, right? Nothing wrong with a little manly violence.


I mean, I’m against censorship, and I think the whole system (as anything more than a way to tell parents what the content of the movie is) is far beyond stupid, but if you’re going to do it, at least fucking (oops, there goes my rating again) aim your censorship at things that in any conceivable way, by even the greatest stretch of the imagination, could be found to actually MERIT it.



23 09 2009


If you understand half the stuff I post on this blog, you probably just smiled. Good =) If you don’t…well, you probably still smiled. Also good =)
Reason I’m linking it? Hint: “Existential angst, existential angst, existenti- SQUIRREL! *plays with squirrel* ^.^”

In Which Detox Ends (Pt 2)

13 09 2009

The simple truth that is that as they grow older most people will happily compartmentalize, and indeed people are very good at it. However, on it’s moderately worse than average days, school takes it to such an extreme of cutting up segments of your day into different modes of thought that it really is difficult to handle.

On top of that, in high school work quantity per class climbs higher and higher, and this is on top of the enormous load of extracurricular that many have piled on for the college admissions game (I won’t even get started on what I think of that). The workload for many students is beyond excessive, and if anything it continues to grow, not shrink.

By the time summer vacation comes, kids are worn out. I don’t mean this metaphorically. It’s the literal truth. By the end of a school year, a lot of high school kids are truly, physically and mentally exhausted. If school lasted much longer, a lot of us simply wouldn’t make it through the year. As it is, more than a few people don’t quite make it through finals. There’s a reason I had a grand total of one half of one substantial post in June.

And of course in the often hilarious, always over the top world that is high school drama, a few thousand exhausted, worn out, teenagers makes for a cycle of fights wearing people out even more, so they get into more fights with friends, so they’re more worn out, etc. And in the middle of this, the SATs and finals. All around, not a very good thing.

The point being, summer vacation comes just in time. For various reasons, keeping school going much longer just would not work. If it were extended, either kids would simply stop being able to handle it, or they would manage at a very real detriment to their health. Again, it sounds silly, but I say this completely seriously. High work load high schools especially leave kids utterly worn out by the end of the school year. There are arguments against the long summer vacation, but I think that it requires a very fundamental shift in how American schools operate in several different ways before it could be changed without very serious repercussions for the schools (not to mention losing things that can only be done with the long summer vacation). Give me that massive shift in American education and I’ll consider the arguments again. Until then, summer needs to stay.

In Which Detox Ends (Pt 1)

7 09 2009

Yes, summer has come to an end and with it the nearly 3 months a year in which children may detoxify from their educations. Let’s talk a little about that toxicity, and why the long break is important (I know that there are legitimate arguments for shorter, more frequent breaks for reasons such as how much progress is lost in many low achieving students, but for these posts t I’m dealing with average and above average kids).

Firstly, I guess I should at least a stab at showing that my premise (school wears kids down and is, in some ways, detrimental) is the case. All right, here goes.

Most American schools, or at least the public ones, are set up to foster uniformity. Yes, there is token “diversity,” encouraging diversity of race and background, gender and sexual preference. There’s even (supposedly) a push to creativity (hah. More on that later). But there isn’t a true encouragement toward diversity of thought. You are taught that you do math this way, and any other way is wrong, even if it works. You will write your essay such that it adheres perfectly to these thirty seven guidelines, and touches for exactly three sentences on 3 of these 5 topics, no fewer and no more. Your thoughts on those topics will fall within these parameters, and these boundaries. You will reach them by prewriting in exactly this manner. Have a science lab? Here are the instructions. Figure out things for yourself? That would waste valuable class time! We’re here to get you through the tests, not to teach you to think scientifically! Like music? Well then, you may do choral music, play chamber music, marching band, or jazz. What’s that, you like rock? Well, that’s just too bad.

And about that English paper, I hope you didn’t say anything that might offend anyone? After all, it’s much more important that you’re meek and inoffensive than that you’re cogent, or that you drive to the center of the issue. If that issue might offend someone, then school time should not be spent dealing with it, and you will be disciplined! And heaven forbid it wasn’t one of the five thoughts that the teacher anticipated, that would make grading it take an actual look at its merits rather than a look at the teacher’s outline of how they’ve graded the same thoughts for 20 years!

Creativity? Hah! You amuse me! We are here to learn facts! We do not learn to understand the beauty and elegance of an atom! We do not waste valuable test time to delve into its depths in order to learn the way to think to truly understand it, and how it was discovered, and why it is the way it is! We most certainly do not have free write time in English which might be used in writing a metaphorical story of an atom! And as for writing about atoms in science class, well!

Creativity in history? No, we will not spend time to read and discuss satirists! They are irrelevant to history! They did not shape it! Only the Great Politicians shaped history, not some lowly comedian! Use George Carlin to learn about the issues surrounding censorship? But he’s offensive! Read Mark Twain’s essays? But he’s for English class! And taking the time to learn about what satire is, and perhaps even attempt it ourselves? Positively absurd! That is not how it is done.

Subject integration is of course impossible. We could not possibly learn rhetoric in English and study historical examples in History. We cannot waste our time learning the history of Science, and how it began and developed. Learning about computer science and its impact on World War Two would be silly, of course. Alan Turing did nothing for the War!

Point made, I think. School is about compartmentalizing, and fitting our thoughts in approved boxes. The number of approved boxes has increased, but that is a far cry from removing the boxes and giving children the chance to swim in the ocean that is independent thought.


3 09 2009

(the following is best if read in a Jon Stewart voice)


That’s right, Obama wants to talk to children! He’s giving a speech that he has asked schools to set aside time for watching during the school day. There is only one possible reason for this: OBAMA IS HITLER, OH MY GOD THE NAZIS ARE HERE!

From the near-terminally amusing Glenn Beck:

“Gang, you have a system that is wildly, wildly out of control, and they are capturing your kids. As Van Jones himself has said, the earlier we get the kids, the earlier we make this adjustment with the youth, the easier this transition is going to be. Stand guard America. Your republic is under attack.”

From WorldNutDaily:

Parents across the country are rebelling against plans by President Barack Obama to speak directly to their children through the classrooms of the nation’s public schools without their presence, participation and approval.

The plans announced by Obama also have been cited as raising the specter of the Civilian National Security Force, to which he’s referred several times since his election campaign began, but never fully explained.

“He’s recruiting his civilian army. His ‘Hitler’ youth brigade,” wrote one participant in a forum at Free Republic.

“I am not going to compare President Obama to Hitler. We’ll leave that to others and you can form your own opinions about them and their analogies. … However, we can learn a lot from the spread of propaganda in Europe that led to Hitler’s power. A key ingredient in that spread of propaganda was through the youth,” wrote a blogger at the AmericanElephant.com blog, where the subject of the day was a national “Keep-Your-Child-at-Home-Day.”

“Totalitarian regimes around the world have sought to spread their propaganda and entrench their power by brainwashing the children. I guess it’s easier to indoctrinate a six-year-old instead of fighting a 26-year-old or being challenged by a 46-year-old in the voting booth,” the blogger wrote.

Oh my god, he’s talking to the youth! And Hitler used the youth! They’re the same!

The voice of a true American speaking reason:

“Without benefit of the doubt, the president doesn’t get to speak to my children unchallenged,” the writer said.

“Now the former community organizer and current president of the United States is making an unprecedented speech to the school children of our nation. I’d like to believe his motives were pure and politics didn’t play into this. But viewing this administration’s track record doesn’t afford such benefit of the doubt.

“When the president browbeats property owners who want to protect their legal rights… when the president admits he doesn’t know the facts but impugns the integrity of a police force… when the president calls me a liar for reporting what is actually in the health care bills and encourages my neighbors to report me to some enemies list… when the president apologizes to nations around the world and bows to a Saudi king… he loses the benefit of the doubt,” the blogger wrote.

The insightful question was asked, “What’s he going to do, tell the kids to report their parents to the Thought Police if they don’t support Obamacare?” Yes, of course! This is really about getting the youth to turn their parents in to the Thought Police that haunt the dark of night, banished by the rising of the sun!

…Wait, what’s this? OH GOD HITLER BUSH!!!



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