One

Dear Maine,

Fuck you

Love, PD

The Glorious Return

I have English homework I really should be doing, but as I’ve hit my semiweekly massive failure in motivation, instead you shall get the Glorious Return of the Perpetual Dissent Abridged Sock Puppet Company, in a series of short sketches for your entertainment, amusement, or annoyance (wait, why are you even reading my blog then?)

 

Puppet 1: Public healthcare is socialism! If we allow it, then what’s to stop us sliding into anarchy, or worse, COMMUNISM?!?!

PD: Hey, have you heard of Scandinavia?

Puppet 1: Are they godless heathens?

PD: Happily, many are. They’re also pretty much socialist. They also have the highest standards of living and happiness on almost every major scale.

Puppet 2: But they have given up their freedom! Freedom is more important than quality of life, you foolish librul!

PD: Well, ok. But on most measures they’re also more free than we are!

Puppet 2: This is madness!

PD: This! Is! Reality! *kicks puppet down a hole the Spartans randomly have right there*

 

***

Puppet 1: Do your homework!

PD: But…I don’t need to, I know the stuff without the homew-

Puppet 1: DO YOUR HOMEWORK!

PD: Fine, fine, jeez. *does mediocre job on homework he doesn’t need*

Puppet 1: You have so much ability! Why is your work so poor?!

PD: …because I could skip it entirely and still get a 90 in this class?

Puppet 1: DISRESPECTFUL!

PD: Calling an easy class easy is disrespectful?

Puppet 1: *tirade involving words like “proper deference,” “work ethic,” “courtesy,” “AP,” and “adequate services.”*

PD: Could you define “adequate” for me, please?

Puppet 1: Sufficient.

PD: So if you were payed just above a living wage, that’d be fine, right? After all, it’s “sufficient.”

Puppet 1: DIFFERENT SITUATIONS!

PD: Yes, in this one you’re the one getting screwed -.- Oh look, the bell. Too bad I was the only one able to finish this essay, and still found time to argue with you. Have fun trying to find an excuse to fail me…

***

Puppet 1: Why do you not have straight A’s?

PD: Because I can barely stay awake during half my classes?

Puppet 2: So you disrespect your teachers?!

PD: No, they just have easy classes…

Puppet 1: This is high school, it Matters! You need to make sure you get into a good college so you’re less bored!

PD: Just like how much fun high school was going to be? And just like how middle school would definitely be so much harder than elementary school?

Puppet 2: You are Closing Doors!

PD: I’m also avoiding complete mental pillaging occurring on my brain by Genghis School and his Boredom Horde.

Puppets 1 and 2: BAD CHILD YOU WILL CARE!

PD: *sigh* will you stop yelling so I can finish the homework I was working on when you started? Thanks. Bye.

 

Government Claims Telecoms are Gov’t Arm

Title.

“The communications between the agencies and telecommunications companies regarding the immunity provisions of the proposed legislation have been regarded as intra-agency because the government and the companies have a common interest in the defense of the pending litigation and the communications regarding the immunity provisions concerned that common interest.”

http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2009/10/att-doj-foia/

In Which More GT Hilarity Earns a Post

Jay Mathews has provided me with the opportunity for fun yet again, but this time by being right and provoking a hilarious response from the target of his article.

First, the backstory can be found here.

Read it? Good. Now, the response. Oh my, the response.

“Dear Jay,

First, let me stress how irresponsible it is to generalize about an entire school system’s commitment to meeting the academic needs of its students based on the alleged experiences of one child. Educators in Howard County are committed to providing all students with a rigorous, challenging education experience.”

How very irresponsible of you, Jay! You took a well documented case, added it to other similar cases of which you had knowledge, and drew a reasonable conclusion! Horrifying!

“And we are hardly “clueless” about the importance of the total high school experience in the student’s intellectual and personal development. By the tone of this piece, it is obvious that you have already determined that the information provided by the parent is accurate and that the school system is a heartless bureaucracy, rather than a group of dedicated professionals committed to serving the best interest of children.”

Importance of the total high school experience in intellectual development? Did you even read what he wrote? The whole point is that the district refused to allow itself to be a part of the kid’s intellectual development at all. And again with the attacking his journalistic integrity. Jay Mathews is many things, but lazy in his reporting is certainly not one of them.

“Central and school-based personnel for the school system have spent an overwhelming amount of time working to address the needs of this particular student. The school system has offered numerous opportunities and accommodations to no avail. We respect the laws governing the confidentiality of student records and therefore, we will not comment further on this child’s circumstances.

Education involves more than simply scoring well on tests. The standards we have implemented are designed to uphold the integrity of the high school diploma; another responsibility we do not take lightly.”

The integrity of the diploma my foot. A student with straight D’s gets a diploma. It’s not some sort of high honor that we’re talking about, here. In addition, yes, education is more than mere test scores. However, you’re working quite diligently against the true nature of education (learning). Might want to fix that before you go on about what education really is.

“The Maryland High School Assessments are end-of-course exams. In order to meet the Maryland Graduation requirement a student is required to successfully complete the course as well. Howard County curriculum is far more extensive than the baseline knowledge required to pass the HSA in each content area. Class discussions, group work, research, and other activities that take place in the classroom enrich and enhance the educational experience.”

Hehehehe. Yeah. Those rigorous tests that absolutely aren’t a joke. And we provide so much more! Really! What’s that you say? He did college level work? WELL WE’RE GRAD SCHOOL LEVEL THEN! GET IN LINE!

“Education also involves more than just intellectual development so when deciding whether to move a student to an advanced grade, educators consider (and discuss with the parents) the following factors:
· Academic achievement level
· Age of the student
· Previous accelerations
· Attendance record
· Parental concerns
· Developmental factors
· Health factors
· Emotional factors
· Report card
· IEP
· 504 Plan”

That’s nice. You’re providing a list of all the things you ignored. How helpful ^_^

“The HCPSS does award credit for home schooling and college courses provided those experiences cover the same objectives as a comparable course offered in our high schools and the student demonstrates mastery of the content. Credit will only be awarded if the student completes the college course.”

He did.

“We take great exception to the statement that “Howard has been slower than other districts in this area to embrace acceleration…” Grade skipping is not the only way to accelerate instruction. Since the early 1980’s the HCPSS has offered comprehensive Gifted and Talented programming and enrichment opportunities in all schools.”

Jay to the rescue! “Howard has lagged in AP participation for some time for a district with so many affluent, well-prepared students. But it has, as I said, gotten better, from an AP participation rate of 0.649 (ratio of college-level tests to graduating seniors) in 2000 to a rate of 1.670 in 2008. That is still below the rate of 2.692 in Montgomery County, very similar to Howard demographically.”

Currently over 40% of our students participate in our Gifted and Talented program offerings across all grades.

Explaining all the things wrong with this would literally take weeks, so I’ll stick with the most obvious: “What the ****?!” Her argument is quite literally “we do not know what the words ‘Gifted’ and ‘Talented’ mean, so clearly we are in the right!” GT, madame, is not a tool for boosting self esteem. GT is not a way to get large numbers that your district can brag about to potential tax payers. GT, madame, is providing adequate education to children far beyond the normal range. Far, far fewer than 40% of people are significantly above average in at least one area. Less than 16% of people are even one standard deviation above the average. Only about 2.5% are above the 2 standard deviations that generally qualifies as “gifted.” This is absolutely basic. Why is the district conducting PR via its pet donkey rather than, say, a mouth?

“In elementary schools, our GT mathematics curriculum is accelerated by at least two years. Other enrichment opportunities are provided through school wide enrichment programs general exploratory activities, instructional seminars, curriculum extension units, and research investigations. In Middle Schools the school wide enrichment programs continue and students also have access to advanced course work in Geography and World Cultures, US History, English, Science, and Mathematics as well as an after-school accelerated G/T Mathematics Program.”

Any time you see “enrichment” in a GT context, it becomes a fairly safe assumption that the school is lying to you. This is certainly the case here. The relevant parts are the GT math, which is their only real acceleration, and the APs. The problem with claiming APs as GT courses…they aren’t. The way APs are conducted, the classes are tailored to moderately above average, hard working students. I got a 5 in AP US history essentially without opening my textbook for anything after about 1850. AP World is proving no more difficult, and neither are AP Chem or Govpol. Same for English.

“Our high schools address the needs of our most gifted students with G/T, honors and advanced placement courses, college-level independent research and a well-established Intern/Mentor Program.”

You’re just too lazy to make them work for anyone who hasn’t fit neatly into your tracking.

“Should you have need for clarification of any of the above information, please feel free to contact me.

Sincerely,

Patti Caplan

Director of Public Relation”

I’d like to clarify: why do you think that we are stupid?

Another XKCD

School workload has drained me of all energy, so still no new real post. But you get this! http://xkcd.com/385/

Our kids is pure!

That’s why this post (fuck (1) fuck (2) fuck (3) fuck (4) fuck (5)), according to the MPAA rating system, should be read by anyone under 17 only when accompanied by a parent. You see, all 3 16 year olds who have never heard that word would be instantly corrupted by 5 usages of it. It is an evil lie that most 13 year olds hear it on a daily basis.

It is also why (“…so then she said, ‘we should fuck’) I have just rendered this post automatically R again. You see, if those 3 16 year olds hear sex referred to as “fucking,” they will instantly be turned into sadistic rapists, going on a rampage and destroying everything in their path, their previously pure minds now entirely turned over to the Devil.

It is also why if I were to post a gif that, for half a second every 2 hours, displayed any region of a person that would be covered by the front of a speedo or bikini, I would in all probability just have received a THIRD R rating. Because it is absolutely untrue that teenagers already know what’s there, and if they did, then nuclear war. And stuff.

And heaven forbid that my film have a child naked in, say, the bath! The only possible reason for that is pedophilia. It couldn’t possibly be because of the heavy symbolism of a naked child immersed in water. It couldn’t be related to the idea of childlike innocence, as so famously used in this book.

But of course if I had managed to find a picture of this guy killing a bunch of people and post it here, that wouldn’t deserve an R. You see, our teens should be raised into the fine tradition of bloodlust and merciless slaughter in honor of their ancestors (Oops, wrong link, so sorry!). Violence is a natural part of teenager’s lives. They need to vent their normal, boyish aggression sometimes, right? Nothing wrong with a little manly violence.

***

I mean, I’m against censorship, and I think the whole system (as anything more than a way to tell parents what the content of the movie is) is far beyond stupid, but if you’re going to do it, at least fucking (oops, there goes my rating again) aim your censorship at things that in any conceivable way, by even the greatest stretch of the imagination, could be found to actually MERIT it.

Squirrels!

http://xkcd.com/167/

If you understand half the stuff I post on this blog, you probably just smiled. Good =) If you don’t…well, you probably still smiled. Also good =)
Reason I’m linking it? Hint: “Existential angst, existential angst, existenti- SQUIRREL! *plays with squirrel* ^.^”

In Which Detox Ends (Pt 2)

The simple truth that is that as they grow older most people will happily compartmentalize, and indeed people are very good at it. However, on it’s moderately worse than average days, school takes it to such an extreme of cutting up segments of your day into different modes of thought that it really is difficult to handle.

On top of that, in high school work quantity per class climbs higher and higher, and this is on top of the enormous load of extracurricular that many have piled on for the college admissions game (I won’t even get started on what I think of that). The workload for many students is beyond excessive, and if anything it continues to grow, not shrink.

By the time summer vacation comes, kids are worn out. I don’t mean this metaphorically. It’s the literal truth. By the end of a school year, a lot of high school kids are truly, physically and mentally exhausted. If school lasted much longer, a lot of us simply wouldn’t make it through the year. As it is, more than a few people don’t quite make it through finals. There’s a reason I had a grand total of one half of one substantial post in June.

And of course in the often hilarious, always over the top world that is high school drama, a few thousand exhausted, worn out, teenagers makes for a cycle of fights wearing people out even more, so they get into more fights with friends, so they’re more worn out, etc. And in the middle of this, the SATs and finals. All around, not a very good thing.

The point being, summer vacation comes just in time. For various reasons, keeping school going much longer just would not work. If it were extended, either kids would simply stop being able to handle it, or they would manage at a very real detriment to their health. Again, it sounds silly, but I say this completely seriously. High work load high schools especially leave kids utterly worn out by the end of the school year. There are arguments against the long summer vacation, but I think that it requires a very fundamental shift in how American schools operate in several different ways before it could be changed without very serious repercussions for the schools (not to mention losing things that can only be done with the long summer vacation). Give me that massive shift in American education and I’ll consider the arguments again. Until then, summer needs to stay.

In Which Detox Ends (Pt 1)

Yes, summer has come to an end and with it the nearly 3 months a year in which children may detoxify from their educations. Let’s talk a little about that toxicity, and why the long break is important (I know that there are legitimate arguments for shorter, more frequent breaks for reasons such as how much progress is lost in many low achieving students, but for these posts t I’m dealing with average and above average kids).

Firstly, I guess I should at least a stab at showing that my premise (school wears kids down and is, in some ways, detrimental) is the case. All right, here goes.

Most American schools, or at least the public ones, are set up to foster uniformity. Yes, there is token “diversity,” encouraging diversity of race and background, gender and sexual preference. There’s even (supposedly) a push to creativity (hah. More on that later). But there isn’t a true encouragement toward diversity of thought. You are taught that you do math this way, and any other way is wrong, even if it works. You will write your essay such that it adheres perfectly to these thirty seven guidelines, and touches for exactly three sentences on 3 of these 5 topics, no fewer and no more. Your thoughts on those topics will fall within these parameters, and these boundaries. You will reach them by prewriting in exactly this manner. Have a science lab? Here are the instructions. Figure out things for yourself? That would waste valuable class time! We’re here to get you through the tests, not to teach you to think scientifically! Like music? Well then, you may do choral music, play chamber music, marching band, or jazz. What’s that, you like rock? Well, that’s just too bad.

And about that English paper, I hope you didn’t say anything that might offend anyone? After all, it’s much more important that you’re meek and inoffensive than that you’re cogent, or that you drive to the center of the issue. If that issue might offend someone, then school time should not be spent dealing with it, and you will be disciplined! And heaven forbid it wasn’t one of the five thoughts that the teacher anticipated, that would make grading it take an actual look at its merits rather than a look at the teacher’s outline of how they’ve graded the same thoughts for 20 years!

Creativity? Hah! You amuse me! We are here to learn facts! We do not learn to understand the beauty and elegance of an atom! We do not waste valuable test time to delve into its depths in order to learn the way to think to truly understand it, and how it was discovered, and why it is the way it is! We most certainly do not have free write time in English which might be used in writing a metaphorical story of an atom! And as for writing about atoms in science class, well!

Creativity in history? No, we will not spend time to read and discuss satirists! They are irrelevant to history! They did not shape it! Only the Great Politicians shaped history, not some lowly comedian! Use George Carlin to learn about the issues surrounding censorship? But he’s offensive! Read Mark Twain’s essays? But he’s for English class! And taking the time to learn about what satire is, and perhaps even attempt it ourselves? Positively absurd! That is not how it is done.

Subject integration is of course impossible. We could not possibly learn rhetoric in English and study historical examples in History. We cannot waste our time learning the history of Science, and how it began and developed. Learning about computer science and its impact on World War Two would be silly, of course. Alan Turing did nothing for the War!

Point made, I think. School is about compartmentalizing, and fitting our thoughts in approved boxes. The number of approved boxes has increased, but that is a far cry from removing the boxes and giving children the chance to swim in the ocean that is independent thought.

HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!!!

(the following is best if read in a Jon Stewart voice)

RUN, EVERYBODY RUN! HIDE THE CHILDREN! THEY’RE COMING FOR YOUR CHILDREN! THE NAZIS ARE COMING THE NAZIS ARE COMING!!!

That’s right, Obama wants to talk to children! He’s giving a speech that he has asked schools to set aside time for watching during the school day. There is only one possible reason for this: OBAMA IS HITLER, OH MY GOD THE NAZIS ARE HERE!

From the near-terminally amusing Glenn Beck:

“Gang, you have a system that is wildly, wildly out of control, and they are capturing your kids. As Van Jones himself has said, the earlier we get the kids, the earlier we make this adjustment with the youth, the easier this transition is going to be. Stand guard America. Your republic is under attack.”

From WorldNutDaily:

Parents across the country are rebelling against plans by President Barack Obama to speak directly to their children through the classrooms of the nation’s public schools without their presence, participation and approval.

The plans announced by Obama also have been cited as raising the specter of the Civilian National Security Force, to which he’s referred several times since his election campaign began, but never fully explained.

“He’s recruiting his civilian army. His ‘Hitler’ youth brigade,” wrote one participant in a forum at Free Republic.

“I am not going to compare President Obama to Hitler. We’ll leave that to others and you can form your own opinions about them and their analogies. … However, we can learn a lot from the spread of propaganda in Europe that led to Hitler’s power. A key ingredient in that spread of propaganda was through the youth,” wrote a blogger at the AmericanElephant.com blog, where the subject of the day was a national “Keep-Your-Child-at-Home-Day.”

“Totalitarian regimes around the world have sought to spread their propaganda and entrench their power by brainwashing the children. I guess it’s easier to indoctrinate a six-year-old instead of fighting a 26-year-old or being challenged by a 46-year-old in the voting booth,” the blogger wrote.

Oh my god, he’s talking to the youth! And Hitler used the youth! They’re the same!

The voice of a true American speaking reason:

“Without benefit of the doubt, the president doesn’t get to speak to my children unchallenged,” the writer said.

“Now the former community organizer and current president of the United States is making an unprecedented speech to the school children of our nation. I’d like to believe his motives were pure and politics didn’t play into this. But viewing this administration’s track record doesn’t afford such benefit of the doubt.

“When the president browbeats property owners who want to protect their legal rights… when the president admits he doesn’t know the facts but impugns the integrity of a police force… when the president calls me a liar for reporting what is actually in the health care bills and encourages my neighbors to report me to some enemies list… when the president apologizes to nations around the world and bows to a Saudi king… he loses the benefit of the doubt,” the blogger wrote.

The insightful question was asked, “What’s he going to do, tell the kids to report their parents to the Thought Police if they don’t support Obamacare?” Yes, of course! This is really about getting the youth to turn their parents in to the Thought Police that haunt the dark of night, banished by the rising of the sun!

…Wait, what’s this? OH GOD HITLER BUSH!!!

OH MY GOD IT'S HITLER

This post brought to you by Doublethink! For all your cognitive dissonance needs!